Walking on Water

Date: August 7, 2011

SUNDAY: Ordinary 19A, Proper 14

SERMON: Walking on Water

Text(s): Matthew 14:22-33

© 2011 R. F. Small

Click here to see a video of this sermon.

When I told her the passage I was preaching on, Leslie[1] said, “Huh.  I don’t think I’ve ever heard a sermon on that before!”  When I thought about it, neither had I.  Not surprising, since it contains one of the most unbelievable stories in Scripture.  But it occurs to me that to dismiss this story is a shame, because while it is unbelievable, it is, in another way, very true.

Does this story of Peter walking on water feel familiar to any of you?  Now, I don’t mean, have you ever actually walked on water... Although, if you have, please raise your hand and then come on up here, because you’re going to give the sermon!

But I mean, have you ever been given the power to do something that felt impossible because you called on God’s power to help you?

Peter has sort of become the head disciple at this point in the Gospel, which happens right after the miracle of the loaves and fishes.  He is eager to please, eager to follow, but also scared in a boat full of scared people.  He gets just enough courage to ask for direction from God, and lo and behold, the direction is laid before him. 

On faith, he steps onto the water, wind whipping around him.  His focus is clear.  He has been called by Jesus to do something amazing!  His eyes are on the prize:  Jesus, his teacher, his guide, his Lord.

His eyes are focused, anyway, until the wind whips just right across his face, and draws his attention with it.  Suddenly, it is no longer the reassuring face of his friend and mentor and teacher that he is looking upon, but crashing waves and dense fog.  And his feet are trying to walk on water! 

In that moment of lost focus, chaos wins, and Peter begins to sink.  It is then, when he has realized that all control is lost, that he is no longer a “faithful disciple” and the chief among his peers, but a man with the tar scared out of him that is about to drown – it is then that he calls out not for Jesus to give him a tall order of a task, but simply to help him, to save him.

Peter being saved.  Note the giant waves, and scared ship-full of disciples.  Image borrowed from this page.

This story reminds me of one of these moments in my own life.  It was one of the first times I ever truly prayed, ever truly asked for God to do with me as Thou wouldst (when you’re that desperate, you’re willing to use Old English!).

It was my first summer as a church camp counselor, a job I thought would be a fun way to spend the summer.  Never mind that I had very little experience with children, except for some carefully honed door-slamming skills when faced with the visage of my little brother. 

Our training week as camp counselors really built us up, helped us feel like rock stars.  We were going help these children develop a deep faith in God, and we were going to have fun doing it!

At the end of the week, they gave out assignments for which counselors would be assigned to which camps.  I was nervous, but faithful.  I was really hoping for the elementary ages, because they were the cutest. 

They had assured us that new counselors would be paired with experienced counselors for the first week, to help us ease into things.  What I didn’t notice was that there was one more new counselor than there were experienced counselors.  Nor did I notice that, to fill that hole, we’d be getting in an adult volunteer.  And that that volunteer and one other counselor would be sent away from camp for the week with 17 middle-schoolers for a biking trip.  I didn’t notice any of this, because I was busy preparing myself to be a great counselor of elementary students.

Imagine my surprise when I, a rookie counselor, was called up as the lone staff counselor on the bike trip.  Fear started to set in.  As I stepped out of the boat of my fellow fearful followers and into the ocean of the 15-passenger van of hormones that I had to drive for the week, I heard the wind whipping around me.  And yet, I maintained my focus.  I believed I could do it.  I put on my big-girl bandana and drove off into the sunset.

After sunset, though, things got tough.  A carsick girl exploded all over the van.  The church kitchen we had to cook our meals in only had one burner that worked, which made our spaghetti very time-consuming and encouraged a lot of whining.  Then, my co-counselor then dropped the bomb on me: he didn’t feel like he could lead any of the devotional stuff.  He’d like to leave that up to me, since I was trained in it.  Gasp! 

I gathered the troops for grace.  They talked through the whole thing, ignoring me.  After dinner and cleanup, I gathered them again for vespers.  Everything I tried was declared “dumb” or worse.  My co-counselor looked on silently, with what I could only assume was scornful judgment.

As we climbed into our beds, which in this case meant each of us having an individual pew in the sanctuary of the church that was hosting us, tears were rolling down my face.  I was no longer a superhero counselor.  I no longer felt faithful.  I only felt a frantic sinking feeling, and a desperate need for help.  I began to pray.  Helplessly, I begged God to save me.  I said I would do whatever was necessary, if God would just help me survive this week.  I prayed until I slept, until the winds calmed.

The next morning, I awoke with a new sense of peace and confidence.  I wasn’t sure where it came from – well, I was, but was kind of afraid to admit it.  I went with it.  I led the morning prayers and didn’t hear a peep of complaints (maybe because they were all really tired from horsing around all night).  Suddenly, it occurred to me that these kids I had been sent to serve might actually want someone to pay attention to them.  I began listening to the campers, getting to know them and their stories, and I altered my games and prayers to fit their context. 

Before I knew it, I was really doing it – I was really being a counselor!  I had been saved! 

The week was by no means perfect, and on those West Virginia roads I surely hadn’t seen the last of carsickness, but from that morning on, I no longer felt alone.  I knew I had help, a source of power greater than myself, a true God to turn to.

This same story has happened for me numerous times in life, over and over because I have to learn this lesson over and over, this lesson that God is faithful and present, willing and able to help if I will ask. I regularly repeat the process of trying to follow, then taking pride in my own sense of control, then being distracted by the chaos of life and falling into deep fear, and finally, finally, asking for true help, no strings attached.

I wonder if this story resonates for you, too.  I wonder if you have had moments of feeling like you were really trying to do the right thing, to follow God’s calling, to be the best disciple you could be, only to have fear and trembling crumble you into a sinking mess.  I wonder if you have found yourself begging for help, being willing to do whatever is necessary just to be saved from the current circumstances.  Willing to pray with all your heart.

Anne Lamott, one of my favorite writers, says that there are only really two prayers: “Thank you thank you thank you” and “Help me help me help me.”[2]  Often it takes these times of great distress to force us onto our proverbial – or maybe even literal – knees, begging for God’s help.

If we go back and think about the story a bit more, we realize that Peter and Jesus are not the only characters in this story.  There is a whole boatload of disciples watching this scene unfold, too.  These are the ones who never wanted to step out of the boat, never had the hubris to think that they, too, could walk on water, and in fact were simply just dumbstruck by the whole scene, pretty sure it was some kind of nightmare. 

As they watched Peter take his life into his hands, what were they praying?  Were they praying at all?  Did they really think that Jesus could do such things, even though they had just witnessed him feed 5,000 people on a few loaves of bread and a couple of fish?  It seems that they did not believe that it was possible.  They stayed huddled on the boat, watching. 

Plus, the disciples weren’t just afraid of the storm.  They were afraid of Jesus, too.  When he came strolling over to them on top of the waves, they were probably MORE scared of him than the roiling sea.  At least they knew what to expect in a storm!  The divine incarnate is another matter.  Several of them probably would have liked to be able to walk on water just to be able to run away from Jesus.  Like many of us, believing in a supernatural miracle-worker might have felt to them far crazier than simply dying in a storm.

Jesus recognizes this and shouts to them: “Be not afraid.  It is I.”  He uses a key phrase here that can be translated both “It is I” and “I AM,” I AM being the holy name of God.  Jesus was both invoking the power of God and being the power of God.  It was scary.

It’s not until both Jesus and Peter are back in the boat and drying off that the disciples begin to identify this man as the Son of God.    As they watched the scene unfold, you know they were wondering if Peter would survive.  But Jesus proved himself to be not only more powerful than they had imagined, but also more gracious.  When Peter doubted, faltered, Jesus did not let him languish.  He immediately reached out to help as soon as Peter asked for it.  He used his power to save Peter’s life, and in so doing, also saved the spiritual lives of everyone on that boat.

As a group of people changed by witnessing the power of the holy in someone’s life, the disciples here remind me of a story told by the church I attended in Seattle.

It was 1980, and the winds were whipping up on the United Methodist Church around issues of human sexuality.  The Council, what we would call the General Board, was approached by a quiet man in his 40s named Chuck. 

Chuck had recently been divorced, but now seemed to have a new joy about him.  He told the Council his story, of how his wife had left him, and he had been so grief-stricken that he had prayed desperately for god’s help.  As months went by his grief slowly lifted, and he began to make new friends.  With one friend, he found a deep connection, deeper than he’d ever known in his life.  He realized that he was deeply in love -- with a man. 

It was like a new world of joy had opened up to him, and he believed God had given him a true gift.

Now, surrounded by the rocking of the boat of of church policy, Chuck asked the Council to take a public stand against the denomination’s policies and the city’s new law that gay teachers like Chuck could be fired for coming out of the closet. 

The Council was silent for a few minutes.  Then, the Council’s resident curmudgeon -- every church has at least one! -- stood up.  Standing was not a regular practice a these casual meetings.  Everyone held their breath. 

Then, the curmudgeon said, “I have seen a transformation in Chuck that seems to me like the work of God.  And who are we to go against the work of God?”  He sat back down.

As the next hour unfolded, the other Council members told their own stories feeling lost and out of control, only to be saved by a power greater than themselves. 

They voted unanimously to take the stand that Chuck had asked them to take.  By the time I was a member of that church, 20 years later, they were well-known in the city as a church on the vanguard of LGBT rights, as well as many other issues of social justice.  By witnessing the salvation of one of their members, the whole church had been saved.  And this gave them the power to bring that saving grace to others, just like the disciples in that boat eventually did for thousands of others.

All of this happened because one man was courageous -- or maybe, faithful -- enough, to try walking on water.  And even when that became too hard, he was able to ask for help.  This act, witnessed by other frightened people, transformed their understanding of God’s power, and in turn transformed their ministry to others.

Whether you identify more with Peter or the disciples, there is good news for you in this story.  Both are saved.  Now, lest you think I’m getting all southern Baptist on you and am about to preach hellfire and damnation, let me assure that my understanding of salvation is in a much more practical sense.  I’m talking instead about real, in-the-moment, right-here-on-earth salvation. 

In the Gospel, the disciples were saved from death by drowning.  In our regular lives, we are often in need of saving from both literal and figurative storms.  We find ourselves in need of saving in the midst of deep debt, relational turmoil, helplessness in the face of injustice, uncontrollable pride.  We need salvation from fear, anxiety, and suffering.  We are a people in constant need of saving, because we are humans, and we mess up, and we are affected by others who mess up, too.

And the good news of this story is that God, as revealed in the person of Jesus, is capable of that saving grace, and waits for us to call out and ask for it.  Even greater is the good news that God is not just there to save an individual, like Peter.  Through the ways that God works in one person’s life and we in the boat are there to witness it, we too are saved.  We, too, grow in our faith that God might actually be able to help us, if God could help that sap, Peter.  Perhaps, if we ask for it, we might even be able to walk on water long enough to help others get a glimpse of that faith as well.

Who could we become, all of us together on this ship of stormy times in the economy, embroiled in many wars, with the widest gap between rich and poor ever seen in this country?  Who could we become, as a church facing generational shifts and their accompanying undercurrents of conflict? 

Who could we become if a few of us trusted enough to step out of the boat, relying solely on God’s power?  Who could we become, as a church, if we witness that power, hear those stories, let ourselves be changed?  Imagine what might be possible!

Imagine if we shared with each other the stories of facing unemployment or an underwater mortgage, and a job coming through at the last minute... Might the church, witnessing to this power of God, be moved to form a job resource center, or ban together for affordable housing?  Imagine if one of us were to share her experience of being liberated through divorce from an abusive relationship, and we found ourselves with renewed vigor to advocate for others who’ve been abused...

Whether we are like Peter, eager to take a risk on the power of God, or simply witnesses to Peter’s faith journey on the water, can we open ourselves to the possibility that maybe, just maybe, with God’s love and power, it is possible to walk on water?

Could we, as William Sloane Coffin once put it, decide to commit as much of ourselves to as much of God as we can believe in,[3] and see what happens?  As we face our next storms, let us be not afraid, but call upon the great I AM to save us, and watch what happens!

---

[1] My partner, known well to the congregation

[2] Anne Lamott.  Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith.  Anchor Books.  2000.

[3] William Sloane Coffin.  Letters to a Young Doubter. Louisville: Westminster John Knox Press, 2005. P. 40

Transfigured by Love

Date: February 14, 2010

SUNDAY: Transfiguration/Last Epiphany C

SERMON: Transfigured by Love

Text(s): Exodus 34:29-35; Luke 9:28-43

© 2010 Rachel F. Small

If you’ve ever heard me talk about my time living in Seattle, you might have noticed that just the mention of the city’s name makes my eyes brighten a little, and that my voice gets a bit excited, breathy, even, when I talk about it.  There are many reasons for this, as it was the location of the heights of my self-discovery in life.  But there is something about the geography, too, that creates in me a heart-stopping-kind of feeling.  That something is Mount Rainier.

If you’ve ever visited Seattle, chances are it was raining and cloudy while you were there.  You may have driven two and a half hours out of town to visit the foot of the mountain, but the top likely remained obscured by clouds.  Most visitors never realize how tall the mountain looms over the city, unless they stay for a long time, or they’re really lucky.  On those special, lucky days, though, a glimpse to the southeast will take your breath away.  There, where you thought for days, weeks, months, even, that there was only sky, suddenly you find yourself face-to-face with the stunning vista of the peak of the mountain, far above you and the city, revealing its true glory.

Photo Credit: USGS/CascadesVolcano Observatory

In Seattle on these days, there is an extra excitement in the air.  “The mountain is out!” people cry.  We rearranged our schedules so that we might get more time outside on those days.  We reveled in the beautiful view that was both a reminder of the way in which were surrounded, often unknowingly, by majesty, and the humility of our smallness in the face of this grandeur.  On the days when the mountain was out, I could suddenly and palpably feel the presence of God in the form of that mountain, comforting and chastising both, and I was awestruck. 

There is something powerful and godlike in the image of a mountain – and it has been that way since at least the time of the ancient Israelites.  We notice in our Old Testament lesson today that Moses meets God at the top of a mountain to receive guidance in the form of the Ten Commandments (we know about those now, right, kids?). 

Elijah, who is mentioned in the New Testament story, is also known for having a meeting with God high on a mountain.  His vision, you may remember, takes place when he flees for his life and hides at the top of a mountain, where God is revealed to Elijah not in the form of an earthquake, or a windstorm, or a fire, but in a still small voice that only can be heard when Elijah is straining to listen. 

Then we have Jesus, whom we meet here on top of yet another mountain, hobnobbing with none other than Moses and Elijah, then enveloped by the cloud out of which comes the voice of God.  Perhaps it’s the thinness of the air, or the vista, or the sheer effort it takes to get to the top of the mountain, but there is something holy about being there, something that allows one to be more open to a revelation by God.

As theophanies go – those brilliant revelations of God manifest to us – as they go, most of us might prefer Elijah’s version, that of the still small voice.  Many of us at one time or another have heard something akin to a small voice – a nudging, intuitive voice that often speaks less in words and more in compelling, strange feelings – and while we appreciate the gentleness of these revelations, truthfully, we also find them relatively easy either to discount or to ignore.  This story of transfiguration, though… THIS is tough to ignore.  A voice booming out of a mysteriously materialized cloud, right after a group vision of Jesus talking with two of the greatest prophets of Judaism.  This is more like what some folks call the 2-by-4-to-the-head kind of calling.  And that’s what this vision is – a calling.  It’s a calling to both Jesus and the disciples.  It’s both a powerful reminder of the mission to which they’ve committed themselves, as well as further clarification of that mission: God declaring, “This is my son; listen to him.” 

The transfiguration of Jesus is only temporary.  His clothes eventually stop glowing, and his ghostly companions vanish with the fog.  A change, though, has taken place in these four men.  They leave the mountain with their jaws set toward Jerusalem (admittedly, Jesus’ jaw is set a little more firmly than the disciples’).  But, their missions clarified, they can no longer ignore, or nudge, or sidestep this calling.  They are compelled to move.

I want to take a step back for a minute and think about how all this came to be.  This story, I think is one of those that is easy to skim over as a trippy, overly symbolic scene that wouldn’t likely happen today in our age of reason.  But this holy vision was clearly meant to send a message to those whom God deemed ready to receive it.  Notice that this theophany, this appearance of God, did not occur in the previous chapter, when throngs of thousands clung to Jesus’ every word as he taught.  Nor did it happen to the twelve disciples gathered together for an evening meal.  No, only three of Jesus’ disciples were given this gift of a vision.

It’s my guess that these three were chosen not because they were the superstars of Jesus’ posse, or that they had some special spiritual knowledge that the others didn’t have, but simply that they were willing to climb that mountain with Jesus that morning.  This seems to be a theme in the people whom Jesus chooses to be with him; they are never the best of the best – they are both rich and poor, outcast and socialite – they are whoever is willing to come when he calls their name.  On this day, it was Peter, James, and John who climbed the area’s highest mountain with Jesus in order to draw closer to God.  It was they who, after making the initial commitment to follow Jesus, continued to follow him, despite their fears and despite his warning only a few days before, that all who follow him must take up a cross daily.  These three, who were willing to make some sacrifices for the sake of spiritual practice, these three were chosen to witness the transfiguration, and in some ways to be changed themselves.

It makes me wonder, should this happen again, would I be one of the ones on the mountaintop?   Or would I more likely be one of the throngs in the crowd, maybe just on the sideline, mostly skeptical of all this crazy talk of love and devotion to God.  Where would any of us be in the story?  Are we willing to commit ourselves to God’s calling, to join this climb up the mountain , or are we too afraid?

Very often, I think, my skepticism for things religious has two parts.  One is legitimate, in that I have seen religion twisted in very hurtful ways into an instrument of oppression.  It is right to be skeptical about such things.  But if I am truthful, there is another component to this skepticism, and that is fear.

Fear, I think, is the biggest impediment to our ability to witness transfiguration, or to being changed ourselves.  We may fear the time and money this kind of devotion would take.  We may fear the ridicule of our friends and respected colleagues.  We may fear the sacrifices we might be asked to make.  We all fear the great unknown that change brings.

All of these are reasonable, human responses to the prospect of change, especially change so seemingly radical as the transfiguration of ourselves or people we love.  Underlying all these fears, however, is a much deeper fear – one that strikes at the very heart of our faith, and the one I want to face with you today: that is the fear that God is not trustworthy.    

Sometimes we struggle to put ourselves into God’s hands because we fear that God might not have our best interests at heart, or worse, that God might actually be punitive and condemning.  It is as though we fear that God will lead us to the cross and leave us there, forsaken.

With our hearts pressing up against these fears, we come to worship, hoping to be changed, transformed, transfigured, and yet also hoping that we won’t be.  We come, many of us, to the foot of the mountain, but find ourselves unable to climb it.   The “what if” of what might happen is just too frightening to bear…

But to this deep, deep fear, I have another question to ask:  What if, just what if, the God we worship is not the one who simply forsakes Jesus on the cross, but the one who resurrects him in glory, rendering death mute?  What if, just what if, our God is the God of love, the God who really – ultimately, even if we can’t see it just yet – truly has our best interests at heart?  What if God really is the God that we want to teach our children about – the God of love, and kindness, and humility, who loves all of God’s children – even you and me – equally?  What if we could be assured that THIS was the God who would transfigure us.  Would we let it happen?  Would we be willing to begin walking up the rocky mountain path to pray?

Image borrowed from the blog "Worshiping With Children"

At my church in Atlanta, there was always a time of confession near the beginning of the service, during which we could each offer our fears and doubts silently to the almightly.  Then, from the pulpit, our eyes still closed, we would hear our pastor’s booming voice pronounce this truth: “God has loved you, loves you still, and will ALWAYS love you.  This IS the good news that brings us new life!”  To really let God’s love sink in, to really begin to breathe it in and let it flow around with the oxygen in your blood… that is a transfiguring experience.

I have an idea for us all to try for Lent.  What if our spiritual discipline is simply to believe – or even, just pretend for a while that we believe – that God really is love, and that this is the God we want to transfigure us?  What if we say this simple prayer every day, like the prayer that the father of the healed boy offers in Mark’s version of the story: “Lord, I believe!  Help my unbelief!”  Just this simple prayer might be enough to open our hearts to the possibility of witnessing a transfiguration.  What if we try this together throughout Lent – just for Lent, just to see if maybe, maybe, if we let God in a little more, we might be amazed at the unexpected blessings God brings to our lives.

In the coming weeks of Lent, you are likely to hear a lot about spiritual disciplines.  As you consider what you might give up or take on for these six weeks (and you can do anything for six weeks, right?), I hope you’ll consider challenging yourself to do it in order to be close to God, the source of love and life.  Maybe it’s a daily prayer, set to an alarm on your watch so you don’t forget.  Maybe it’s enrolling in a yoga class, in which you breathe in and out the love of God.  Maybe it’s saying nightly prayers with your children and grandchildren, or for people you’re far away from but wish to be closer.  Maybe it’s giving up a tool of procrastination or distraction (for me that would be facebook!), so that your head is clearer to be open to the workings of God in the world.  Maybe it’s even making a getaway to a real mountain.  Whatever it is, let it be something, and something that might allow you to let go of or move past a fear in order to take another step up the mountain.

Does this sound like a really big task?  Does this sound like I’m asking you to be made perfect?  If that’s the case, let’s peek ahead at what happens after the transfiguration scene.  There may be some encouragement there.  Yes, in the transfiguration, Jesus’ clothes had become as dazzlingly white as the sun reflecting off of last Wednesday’s snow.  Yes, Moses and Elijah had appeared and a voice had boomed from the cloud… But then, things went somewhat back to normal.  Jesus didn’t walk around glowing for the rest of the gospel.  In fact, he even got frustrated and angry almost immediately, when he came down the mountain to discover that his disciples weren’t handling all that he’d hoped they would be.  He shows his humanity, his imperfections, right after he comes down off the mountain.  The disciples who witnessed the transfiguration were also not made perfect – not by far.  You remember that it’s Peter who, in fear, denies knowing Jesus on Good Friday, right? 

But even though we are not made perfect by these moments, they do offer us a new opportunity to reorient ourselves toward God.  The Taize community in France, whose songs of spirituality we’ve been singing a lot this year, practices spiritual disciplines carefully, in the hopes that they, too, might climb that mountain to be closer to God.  Kathryn Spink, the biographer of Mother Theresa and a member of the Taize community, writes about the power of the Transfiguration in this community:

“We of the Taize community look upon the transfiguration above all as the celebration of that presence of Christ which takes charge of everything  in us and transfigures even that which disturbs us about ourselves.  God penetrates those hardened, incredulous, even disquieting regions within us, about which we really do not know what to do.  God penetrates them with the life of the Spirit and acts upon those regions and gives them God’s own face.”

These transfiguring moments, then, are temporary heights of glory.  They are small chances to witness a divine truth, to be given courage and assurance as to how to proceed in life.  They are life-changing, but they do not erase our humanity or create automatons out of us.  God made us human beings, and wants us to continue to be human beings in all our fallibility.  But these transfigurative moments, these opportunities of clarity, these happenings of divine glory – they are there to bring us each, our whole selves, our whole personalities, a little closer to being in line with God who is love.  Though temporary, they give us courage, strength, and clarity.  They are there for us if we want them, if we are willing to prepare ourselves for it, if we are willing to climb the mountain.